I'm Still Here

Two years ago I was depressed and lonely, contemplating leaving life behind and just giving up.

Today I sang a victory song on my terrace in Germany.

It's strange knowing where I used to be. It's hard for me to process how I could have ever sunk so low when my reality now is so different from then. But here I am, on my two-year anniversary of having conquered depression and I get to celebrate yet again.

I think it's significant that twenty-four hours after I was puking my guts out and sobbing my eyes out because I wanted to quit, I found myself in a crowded theatre called Stargazer's dancing with beautiful people to the sound of amazing music, clad in a pair of red high heels. I think it ended up being important - that it was foreshadowing the years that were to come. So much music, so much laughter, so much life. And I never would have experienced it if I hadn't pressed on.

I want to encourage you in whatever season you are now, whether you feel like you are on top of the world or that you carry its weight on your shoulders. I was once at the lowest of low points, being hunted down by demons and fears and horrors unimaginable but in spite of all of their efforts to tear me to pieces I'm still here. I'm still here and I'm still strong and I'm still pressing on in spite of how not every day is sunshine.

"You must cling to hope even in the darkest of midnights and sunrise will always find you." --line from my novel, Uritus and the Sword of Fire

When I say that it gets better, I truly mean it with all my heart. I hesitate even to use that phrase because of how it has become such a cliche and, my word, how I loathe cliches. But it does get brighter and you will be alright. Let Papa carry you for a while if you need to. That's why He's here.

(Unrelated side note: I made a YouTube channel for my music if you care to give it a look. Cheers!)